Loserville Nation, USA population 1

I am constantly working and in class. I have no life. Loserville has hit and I have mastered it to no end. Thanks to all those that have tried to rescue me from this livlihood. I only have 7 more weeks of this bullshit and will be moving on to greener grass soon. Banks, Burgundy and roomie just be prepared for some good times at the end of June and nothing fun can occur until that time. I am going to need a confirmation on this!

This sucks

Two days into school and I am exhausted and sick. This truly sucks! Why I am sick I do not know. Maybe it is because Banks "made" me meet him Saturday night and roomie just couldn't let me rest on Friday night. No sleep could be the problem. Damnit why does having fun come with a cost. I want to go home!

So Jed doesn't miss the yellow!

My friend Jed Eckhart doesn't miss the pollen while he is London. I don't know why. With out the yellow pollen covering the ground, cars, porches, and streets how would I know where I have been. When I sit down in my front porch chair, how will people know that it is my seat unless I leave a yellow ass print in the chair? How will I find my way home without my yellow footprints left on the street to guide me home? (Hansel and Grettle wished they had pollen instead of bread crumbs). How will I know the my car is dirty if people don't write it on the back of my car because it is covered in Pollen? Without the pollen I would not know that it is fucking hot outside and Georgia's Summer is coming and coming quick.

The pollen lets us know that the days of sweating uncontrollable is coming and the mosquitos will soon be here to buzz around our ears. Pollen is a sign of good things too. The runny nose to make us soooo attractive to the guys in the Highlands and my eyes that seem to never stop tearing are here to stay for another month. Without pollen I wouldn't appreciate my inner beauty, since right now I look like shit because of it. (thank goodness for mom who bought me Claritin D). I thank you pollen for showing up. Pollen means spring is really here and I will be tan once again. Don't forget to bring two towels to the pool. One to lay on and one to wipe the pollen off the chair before you lay on it.

Cheers to pollen. You know you miss it JED!

I don't see dead people anymore

I have had a restful four days. I owe it all to alcohol and oh yeah...no dead people!!! I finished all my papers and the only thing left is finals. No prob. Looking forward to the weekend and final four fun times. I will let y'all know as soon as I find out what I am doing next. You are all going to love me anyways.

Last day

Well what the hell do I do now? My last day is done. Nothing extradinary happened. Any suggestions?

Last Week

Well this is the last week for my internship. I know all five of you will be disappointed when there are no more gruesome stories to tell, but you also had to know it would come to an end. This week was actually pretty slow. Normally I would be upset, but I have 3 huge papers due by Saturday so this was a great time for me to catch up. Finally someone was looking out for me.
We did have a sad day on Tuesday. 3 children. I found out one of my old friends was having their baby that day. It made me worry a little. I wanted to call and give them a list of everything they should not do. Things that I have seen to keep their new little one safe. I held back and did not, only so they could enjoy their day and not immediately panic.

Why do I like what I do?

I do enjoy being apart of the criminal justice "system", but what I see at the moment is my coworkers breaking down and not wanting to help people anymore. Why is it that so many idiots find their way into our field. They do and they thrive. IDIOTS everywhere. Unfortunately they are the ones in charge of solving the crimes of this great state.

Uh we have a woman here who seems to have been getting ready for a shower and her panties are off. Our concern is that her front door was not locked when we entered. We think someone killed her.

Oh really so if I take a shower with my front door unlocked and I happen to die then someone killed me? Coroner's need to get their shit together and realize some people don't always lock their doors. Heaven forbid! IDIOTS

I am taking Friday off to gear up for St. Patty's Day. Hopefully I won't end up in the morgue. More deaths occur over holidays. Good luck to all of y'all at surviving that.

Day 29, 30,31

We had a lot to do this because well this state sucks! They are working them like mules. Oh well since there are only 4 investigators total it is just catch up and survive. Nothing intersting or new. Just work. Sorry I am boring this week. I have huge term paper due next week and I don't really care if you know anything gory at the moment.

Get over it Banks!!!!

I went to Prison

Okay Mr. Banks, here is your new posting.

I went to the state prison on Friday. If you are ever thinking of being bad, just go visit the prison and decide then if you willing to accept that as your new home. The prison was the female prison. I was walking with a couple of male colleagues and one said "the place is full of ugly". If the girls were ever pretty before they got here the pretty was diffinately beaten out of them. The ones who were able to receive packages from there family with make up and personal items were able to clean themselves up, but not too much because then you become somebody's bitch.

Okay we first walked around the grounds. It was amazing the discipline these ladies had when the warden or an officer or anyone passed. They had to stop immediately and stand on the closest yellow line. Basically they followed the "yellow brick road" to all their destinations. It was immediate and they did not move until we passed. They even had to stand in straight lines to smoke.

When we went into the dorms the guards and prisoners screamed "lock it up", which means stop what you are doing and go to your room and stand neatly next to your bed. They followed these rules but SO did not want to. When we were protected by the walls and they could Look at US through the glass windows they all stared and tried to talk to anyone who would pay attention. A friend of mine joked that they would protect me if something happened, after this I joked that they would need my protection, because these girls wanted some johnson and anyone's would do. AND these women were ready to attack. They held back of course because I am a tough bitch.

Anyways, we then went to the gym were they were all letting off some steam and stopped everything they were doing so we could walk in. Many of the girls were staring at the black girls in our group. They had googely eyes and were a little crazy looking. It was a little frightening.

Afterwards we went to the medic hall. They were about 20 ladies waiting to see a doctor or nurse. The warden walked out first away from the girls. When she was out of ear range the prisoners then laid into the black girls in our group that were all dressed up. They were screaming ghetto slurs and racist things at them. They didn't say anything to me, because like I said I am a tough bitch, or because I was so dressed down that I almost looked like them. Anyways it was the first sign that these ladies are truly like animals at times. It was not a sight to see.

Of all the things I just know I could not go to the bathroom in front of these ladies. I would hate it. I could not survive in prison. I am too pretty for it!

(Kiss it Banks!)

I do apologize

I have recently discovered that someone else other than my mother reads this blog. I do apologize for leaving you guys out. I know you live to look up my blog everyday and read about the morbid new cases I see each day. Just so you know my internship ends in two weeks. I am sure I will find more to talk about, but until then I will keep all five of you posted on the great cases that come my way.

But unfortunately I will not be in there anymore this week. I will be going to the state prison on Friday and I will reveal all the dirty details that I have to leave out in my "other" cases. There are some sick fuckers out there and my guess is that some are in our prison. Sick Fuckers here I come!

Day 26,27,28

Okay so, since my mother is the only one who reads this and she has been out of town, I have been lazy on my postings. But I will catch back up now.
Day 28: Today was boring and I don't remember much except that we were lucky to only have four bodies. Sadly two were babies. I won't say it again, but damnit people stop sleeping in the same bed as there baby. Bad very bad

Day 29: I was working in the morgue, helping with the autopsies. Nothing crazy, they were just short handed and needed some lifting help. Lifting of the body, lifting of the organs, lifting of the crap. And most dead people do poop. Overdoses and people who are literally scared shitless. Dirty work but somebody has to do it, so enter the intern. It was not bad but very smelly and dirty. I immediately went home and showered.

Day 30: My internship is looking up. We had great cases in today. Two homicides and one unknown. One guy was a gun shot to the head. Everything seemed straight forward, but upon examination of his stomach content we discovered some unexpecting things. "Balloons" filled with stuff. I do not know what the stuff was but he had 8 total in his body. Just sad that they need to do this in order to make a living. It was exciting though. Loved it. The other was a stab victim. Can't say much more or I will have to kill you.

Day 25

Today was a catch up day. We had some good cases but not much to do with them. So all was spent figuring out how to fix the schedule. You see the agency I work for is supposed to have 10 full-time investigators working, but they are making due with 6. It is really wearing them out, so today we tried to figure out how we can work 6 people 40 hours a week without everyone having to work on the weekends. It was easy for me, but too political for others. Everyone is emotional and I am removed from the situation. At this moment it doesn't affect me. I really hope it doesn't affect me.

Day 24

Today was slow. Good for the living, bad for the intern. We had two babies today though. Mommies STOP sleeping next to your babies. As much as you don't like to think it, you can roll over and smother your baby. It is not safe to have your baby sleep next to you. More babies die this way than many of you know. We also had an old person neglect death. I don't get along well with my Grandma but I would never do to grandma what these people did to their mother. It was gruesome. She looked like she was from a Concentration Camp. It was just sad. I know you don't read this grandma, but I love you.

Day 23

Today we were short on Exam techs and had no Investigators. The head of the department came over and ran the office while I helped out in the morgue. Today was the ickiest. That is right I said ickiest. I can look at them, poke them, and even move them around, but pulling intibation tubes out of a body was the grossest thing I have done so far. EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! Kids are stupid and should not steal cars, but please use a freakin seat belt while speeding away from the police. Lives could be saved here. I hated the smell, the look, and the feel of these bodies. I can only say that I know today was an icky day. I have to go shower now!

Day 22

There will be no body count today. I did not go in. The bodies will just have to wait. No the show will go on without me. If you are really bored I have stories, but seeing as my mother is the only one who reads this, I will just tell her on the phone.
Have a good weekend Mom!

Day 21

So today was a good day. I checked in the first body then immediatley threw up. I seem to have a stomach thingy. So boss lady sent me home for the day. Sleep is nice.

Day 21

So today was a good day. I checked in the first body then immediatley threw up. I seem to have a stomach thingy. So boss lady sent me home for the day. Sleep is nice.

Day 20

Well today had a hell of lot less cases. So we had a party and rested. No not really!!! We were still busy and coroners were still idiots. I actually got to go on a homicide scene today. I can't say much, but Oh My God was that cool. I loved it. If I could do this kind of investigation everyday I would. It would definitely keep me here. But no, bittersweet, people do not kill each other that much in our jurisdiction during my shift. Loved it still!!!!

On another note, I am going to be on the news tonight. Hope you taped it, because I'll never show you. I was wearing a cool vest that said Medical Examiner and well I looked GOOD.

Day 19 President's Day

Hello Mister President, BAM BAM BAM. We had so many cases today that we had to stack 'em, shove 'em, and flop 'em. We couldn't even accept new case. We had to tell the coroners to hold the bodies until tomorrow. Crazy, just crazy.

Could you people be nice and not kill yourself or overdose on holidays please, especially when all the other state labs are closed this week. Thanks for the work. We love it.

And why do the coroners think we have any control over what the doctors do. "You need to understand that we have people who want answers." Well you coroners need to understand that I HAVE NO CONTROL over tox results. Blink my eyes and they are done. DONE. Yes that is me. The Intern has the power. I wish.

Day 18

Well today was a good day for me and those that are living. We had no cases. I read some articles and caught up on some homework. Around 11 o'clock the shit hit the fan. We had five calls by the time I left. I got to take three of the cases. According to all that I talked to, I ask great questions. They just don't know how nosey I am and even if it has nothing to do with the death I still asked because I needed to make it interesting and I have the power.

Most of the people died from unknown causes so we had to bring them. I get to do the follow up next week. I am somebody now I tell you what.

(Does anyone really even read this?)

Day 17 Valentine's Day

You would thing the Valentine's Day Masacre happened today with how we were crazy busy. There were only five cases today but oh my god were they the weirdest cases. The manner (natural, accidental, homicide, suicide, undecided) could not be determined for anyone today. Every case today was one of those that given all the circumstances and the true stories no one could figure out what happened without the help of toxicology reports. They were all stumpers. I was able to help the sole investigator very much today and she said I was extremely helpful. The chaos today was enjoyable and made the day go by faster.

All and all we managed a big case load without falling apart. Valentine's could have been much worse and bloodier. I did not receive flowers, candies, or cards today, but what should I expect? I work in a morgue. We only get bodies there.

Day 16

I didn't go yesterday due to family affairs, so they decided to hold everything until today. NO, not really, but no worries because we had plenty of cases today. 10 case to be exact. Ranging from overdoses to suicides to possible death from the flu. Yep the flu really does kill people. If I hadn't been there to help I think the other investigators would have keeled over and died themselves.
I just can't seem to get used to the smell of death. The worst is when the bowel is punctured during the autopsy. I don't care who you are that odor stinks. Dead poop is stinky, stinky, stinky poop. I had just eaten and for some reason today the smell got to me. I could not get out fast enough. I held it all in and got over it once I left, but I know a minute longer would have brought chunks. EEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyways I am now half way through and still trucking.

Day 15

Yesterday was pretty uneventful. Two otherwise healthy men died because they had bad hearts. It happens sometimes. Sucks for the healthy people out there. That is why I will drink and eat fatty foods if I feel the need.

Day 14 (Day of Bones)

I looked at bones all day. I was helping my former medicolegal death investigation teacher with indentifying the unknown bodies of the morgue. She went through the process and taught me stuff that I can never use legally, since I am not and never will be a forensic odontologist, but was still patient with me and all my questions. It was very nice of her and I learned so much about my investigative drive and how all I want to do is solve things. I like to solve mysteries. I will have to get into that some how. I think I am on the right track. I will be back to that later.

Today in the morgue we had nothing special but we did have a homicide. We also had a tour group there to see the autopsies, but since legally they aren't allowed to see a homicide case they had to keep it covered. Sad for the group though because it was a cool case. More interesting than the overdose they observed. I know I know it is about the experience, but personally I enjoy the story behind it and figuring out why it happened. So I watched the homicide autopsy all be myself. The butler did it by the way!

Day 13

OOOOHHHH day 13. Today was just as quiet as yesterday. I spent most of it writing my midterm paper for this ineternship and writing my paper for my stupid internet class. Anyways about 2 o'clock one of my favorite professors should up to help identify some of our unknowns. We got to talk about my internship and what I am missing from this one that would happen at other places and what I am gaining by being here. It was nice.
I did get to help her a little on one of the ID's. We have nothing to compare it to but it was interesting to watch. Fortunately she is coming back tomorrow for more and these have dental records so I will be able to help her out with those. Should spice up my day a little.

Day 12

Wow only day twelve. Anyways, I got to take my own case today from start to finish. I took all the information then wrote up the report. It was too easy. Watch out criminals here I sit at my computer writing about the body you left behind while idiot people look for you because they don't know anything before calling me up and reporting the case. (Sorry little rant know one will understand)

We had another floater today. I could smell it the moment I walked in the building. The officers came today to view the autopsy. One had to go to the bathroom and that is through our office. On the way back he decided to stop and talk awhile. (Honestly I don't think he was too keen on getting back to the room.) Anyways, he thought it would be smart to spray the air freshener on him to cover up the dead floater smell. Let me just say that is the worst idea ever. I could not put enough cotton up my nose to get that smell out. Flowery death smelll is not the way to go. Instead of "just do it" I say just don't. Don't cover up the smell, just suffer through it.

Day 11

BORING
Today absolutely nothing happened. They sent me home early because there was nothing for me to do. Oh well I get to start my weekend early.

Day 10

REALLY Quiet today. I am getting in the grove of things. Bodies in, bodies out. Very few today. I was able to read my psychology book and catch up on the US news. I would like to say I experienced new things, but no it did not happen. I did make a new friend today and yes she has a pulse. We are going to play volleyball every Tuesday and get my ass back into shape. I just can't wait.

Day 8 &9

I didn't have a computer yesterday to type my blog so I will do a combo. I had many cases to learn from yesterday and today. The one thing I know I learned from yesterday and it was confirmed today was that if you have a child (baby) do not sleep in the same bed as them. It is too easy for them to have their airways blocked. DO NOT sleep in the same bed. It is just too tragic for the families. One thing I learned today was suicide is the most selfish thing in the world a person could do. Families will never understand. Your death does not make it easier on anyone.

Nothing more to say. I am going to take a shower and rest now.

Day 7

Today, I was able to write a commentary on my on case. I can't reveal details but it did go from an unidentified to a verification. I was then able to write a case on how it might be homicide. I liked it. I also helped take fingerprints today. I an becomimg more and more apart of the team. I answer most of the phone calls and help contact family members and funeral homes in regards to the dead. Still haven't find the other unidentified yet. I will keep looking.

Day 6

I sat in front of a computer all day. My job today was to find drugs in the files so the chemistry department could test some methods. I finished that around noon, then I had to start a new project. My job today was to help a family find their loved one. They have not heard from them since last year. So I had to look through all unidentified files looking for the person. Only the computer system was wonky and it was driving me crazy. I am still not done yet. I still checked persons in and out today. The fun part of my day was one of the pick up drivers getting a flat tire. It took him two hours to change it. That was my highlight.

I have noticed that I have gotten used to seeing the dead persons around, but the smell never goes away. Not used to that yet. Certainly don't want to do this forever. (New revelation)

Day 5

Busy, Busy, Busy day today. It was just me and boss lady again. We had 9 persons in and 3 more arrived later in the day. One of the cases was an organ donor, but the doctors did not know that, so I had to run down to the morning meeting and inform them before they started with the examination. I of course saved the day just in time. Sarcasm is my world. Anyways we had no true stinkers today so I was able to enjoy my lunch for the first time. I tried a new kind of noodle. It was spicy chicken flavor. 10 cents more than Ramen but worth every dime.

I did not see any examinations today but I took several calls that facilitated the exams. (Really running out of things to talk about , sorry)

The day was busy but they let me go early since I was truly the only one manning the phones.

Day 4

Today it was just me and Boss Lady. We had 7 persons in today. I would say slow day but I got to do a lot of responsibilities today. Things went well but nothing interesting that I can talk about. There was another stinker today. The water ones are the worst. A couple of other interns from another division were there for the stinker. They had not seen an autopsy yet. It was funny to see there faces when their first was the smelliest kind. I can't really describe a stinker, but I will try. It sticks to the back or your throat. You can't wiggle your nose enough to get the smell out. I could still smell the ones from last week on Saturday. It sticks in your nostrils no matter how many times you blow your nose. It does not go away. EVER! Today's stinker was worse than last week's. I am glad I did not have to observe this one. Nice to avoid it.

Day 3

Well today was a quiet day. Only 3 persons there today. We finally Id the floaters and got the "smellies" out of there. I was sent on an internship mission today. I got to go to Chik fil a and get everyone lunch. It was a pleasure.

Like I said it was quiet today.

Thursday (off day)

Today is an off day. I have school on Thursday so I do not have to go in. I did go in though. I had to get a bunch of paper work signed for the internship so my dean would not freak out. Boss lady was nice and helped me get through it. This "education" has been one of the hardest things I have put myself through. One might call me a sadist, but I just think of it as my way of taking the long way around.
It was quiet when I arrived today. People rarely commit violent acts during the cold weather. They like to stay in there house all snuggled up. I predict there will be more cases of possible overdoses than any thing else.

Day 2

It was much quieter today. The first thing we did today was have the morning meeting. It is where the present the cases of the day. The investigators read aloud each case about each body and the doctors and the investigators discuss the course of action that should be taken towards each case. A little neat, but I am a little nerd!

We processed 7 persons today. ( I use the word person because I don't want to offend anyone by using the word body or dead people). The person was termed "floater" yesterday had two more join it today. They were all equally smelly. Very smelly!!! They were also swollen, happens on water cases. I was inside the decomp room when two of them were being autopsied. I was able to handle it, but I don't know if this is unfortunate or fortunate, but I sneeze when I am around the decomposing bodies. The live persons in the room tend to give me unapproving looks and hint at me to leave. I finished my sneezing fit in the hallway. I did not return to the decomp room.

I got to go on a scene today. It was natural death so nothing crazy. It was interesting though. I even got to ask the family some questions. Mind you it was just phone numbers and simple information, but involvement I crave.

Day 1 Tuesday, January 16, 2007

OH MY GOD! I am tired. Just so you know, I am so not on a CSI episode, but it sure felt like it.
I spent the first 45 minutes waiting in the lobby for someone to come and pick me up. When they finally did I realized why I was a low concern. They had double digits of bodies in the morgue to process. Well what a day to start on. They say holidays are not looked forward to in the ME's office and now I know why.
Since I am only an intern I can not do much. I observed mostly. I did a little administrative work and helped roll people in and out of the "cooler". I tried to block out the smell of death as much as possible but that is impossible. There was a stinker today. Very interesting first day. I can reveal no more cause if I do I would have to kill you and being as this is on the internet well I just don't have that kind of energy.

The Eve of the first day

Well today is the day before my first day of my internship and I am nervous. This is truly the first step I have ever taken towards my real goal of my career. All the other jobs were just jobs. They never had anything to do with what I have really wanted to do for so long. Tomorrow I will start my internship with a state agency as an intern in the medical legal department.

I have no idea what to expect and I am clueless as to what they expect. I guess I should have cleared that up during the interview. I would have if I hadn't been so taken back by her first true question. We will call her boss lady. She asked "Hey do you want to see a dead body"? Well had could I resist. It was going to be my first autopsy. I was in my new suit all dressed and only one more place to go. I went to the autopsy room and saw a gun shot victim laying naked on the slab ready for the autopsy. It was amazing. I was in awe and terrified at the same time. I knew this was a test and I wondered if I would pass. I secretly hoped I would not throw up. As the autopsy progressed the man became less and less human. He was no longer recognizable as a grotesque body, but just quickly became something of a science exhibit. It was real but not so much. There were gross moments, but it could have been worse. The damage to the body was minimal so it was not that bad. I have no doubt there will be grosser things to come. (Still secretly excited about that). Anyways I start tomorrow at 9 am and I don't even know if I have the acceptable outfit. I do know I have to wear ugly shoes otherwise it wouldn't be a government job. :)
More to come!!!